The Calm

To update on the last post, it turns out that my tooth was not infected. Thankfully. The day before I went to see my endodontist, I remember standing in my yard feeling nauseous with that throbbing pain in the back of my mouth and praying, “Lord, if this isn’t an infection, then this will be a miracle. Please, please help me.”

And it wasn’t. I’m so grateful that it looks like everything will be okay. Praying that it will be. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

My endodontist, who worked on it originally, said that it was because my bite was off. I’ve been lax on my retainers lately and so my tooth moved and I was not biting properly. The pain has disappeared for now so I’m hoping that everything will be okay. Hopefully, no dental implants needed.

Other than that, everything has been great. I got my second pair of wisdom teeth out (last ones, finally) and have healed well. No dry socket or anything :o) haha.

When I came home from the surgery, I started bleeding more than the last time. In fact, the bleeding was extremely bad. I think it was because I didn’t put the gauze where the sockets were. There was blood everywhere. On my face, on the floor, on my clothes and it clogged up the sink. My mom came home and she said the sight of all that blood made her hands and feet go cold.

Other than that and throwing up the first night, the healing process has actually been kinda awesome. My best friend came over the night of my surgery and we watched Ponyo together. We stayed up till the AM talking and she ended up staying over. ❤

My mom took care of me for a few days and it was awesome. I loved every moment of it. I had ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I healed faster than I did last time though which is great. I went back to helping my clients and it’s been a great experience. Some of them are really generous and appreciative of the work I do. I want to save up for an emergency fund/health fund while I’m at it.

Above all, I’ve been reading Bill Hybel’s book “Simplify” and it’s made a lot of things clear to me. Last summer, I had a mentor at the firm where I interned who is a really high achiever. He got promoted early twice which is very rare. He’s also well-known among other people in the industry which is saying for a lot for a big office in a big firm. I tried but it seems like we never really connected.

Before I finished my internship, he gave me some advice and since then it’s always been in the back of my head. Whenever I don’t feel like I am doing enough, his voice comes back in my mind like a scrolling marquee. “You’re just not there yet.”

And it’s finally, finally becoming real to me that maybe I will never be enough for him or even enough for myself. I have extremely high standards for myself and this was noted by other people in my life whether it was the team I was on during the summer or my friends or my family.

Reflecting last night while reading Bill’s book and considering everything that’s happened lately, it came to me that I’m enough for God. I always ‘knew’ this before but only lately has it really been touching me heart-wise. I’m good enough for God… and that means everything to me.

I had a 9-month break between graduation and starting work. I spent 5 out of 9 months being sick and dealing with one random health issue after another. Maybe it all means something.


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