I’m still in pain :/. But if there’s anything I’ve learned these past six months, it’s that sometimes you just have to move on regardless of the pain. I woke up yesterday wincing and it was a conscious decision to decide to even crack open my devotional and pray. I thought He would heal me by now so I don’t understand but I choose to have faith. But in a way, I feel that I have grown. I’m certain I’ve grown. I feel a new maturity that I have never felt before.
It’s as I sit here feeling uncomfortable, tired and fatigued (can’t exercise until I get this looked at and I’ve been on a liquid diet because I can’t chew), I’m thinking about a date I could have went on many semesters ago. I accidentally stumbled upon a bar in Anaheim on Yelp. I thought the name – the Blind Rabbit – sounded familiar until I realized that was where he had suggested we go for our first date.
As I think about to the way he asked me out, I can’t help but smile. We haven’t spoken in years as he graduated before me and is already working but I think I remember it fondly because of how it made me feel. This is embarrassing but I think of him when I hear the song ‘Summer Boy’ by Lady Gaga. When’s the last time I went out on a proper date, let alone go out at all? I had all this stuff planned for the break between work and graduating but I haven’t been able to do much of it because I’ve been getting sick one time after the other. But there’s a reason for everything…
Anyway, it started when we went out to lunch with a mutual friend. It was the day that my firm came to do a speaking event at our school. There he was in the audience, dressed in a crisp white shirt that showed off his muscles pretty well. He was cute and people noticed. Someone told me, I forgot who, that when he walked into the theater to do a presentation for our board information session the semester before, the president of the club remarked that he was a good-looking fellow.
A mutual friend of ours came up to me after the meeting and asked if I wanted to go to lunch with them. A light bulb went off. “Yea,” I said. “Oh, by the way, did you ask (let’s call him Tom) Tom if he was coming too?”
“No,” our friend said. “But that’s a good idea.”
Later on, I’d learn that Tom decided to come only because he heard I was coming. So we met at this burger place right across from campus. My operations management professor, who I had a crush on for a few months as well, was awkwardly sitting next to us and would hear the entire exchange.
It started off with a few flirtatious jokes. I said, “so why aren’t you married yet?” and he grinned and replied, “Well, I was waiting for you.” Then I’d giggle and our mutual friend would pause for a long moment. “I’m going to get a soda,” our mutual friend said. The two of us, with my operations professor in the background eating a burger, immediately turned to look at each other. A soft smile crept up on his lips.
“Hey,” he leaned forward. I leaned forward as well. “So, Ophie, do you want to hang out sometime?” He bit his lips and grinned. “Like, on a date? I think you’re really cute and sweet and I want to get to know you better.”
And in that moment I paused. I realized that as cute he was, for some reason, I just didn’t feel anything powerful. I think it was because of this date I went on a few weeks before that ended really, really badly.
But I said yes. He said he wanted to meet at the Blind Rabbit and I remember thinking that that was a bad sign – that if he wanted to have our first date at a bar, he probably wasn’t too serious about me. Now that I see the Yelp reviews more closely, it looks like it’s actually a great place for a first date. It’s romantic, darkly lit and it’s… A BAR!! With alcohol. I actually didn’t drink back then but I like to drink now for social purposes. How fun would a date like that be now -__-‘.
Even if it’s nothing serious, I’d love to just get dressed up and go on a date again. Pull on my Levi’s, a cute top and a pair of black booties. Sit on a stool and say flirtatious stuff and just be able to look in his eyes and see attraction. But… if we’re being honest, that’s not going to happen for a long time.
The Blind Rabbit never happened because I cancelled and we ended up having our date at… the guess… SCHOOL LIBRARY! Not even in the library but outside of it on some benches underneath the threes.
It’s a shame. He was cute. I’d see him a few times during the semester. Once, he was carrying a giant box of water back to his car after our speaker meeting. I remember walking with him and inwardly smiling at how muscley his arms were as he hoisted the giant pack of water on his shoulder. I poked his arm and said, “Dang, you’ve got nice arms.”
Anyway, that was the most of it. We haven’t talked since. But I hope he is doing well. I think if I hadn’t gone on that previous date, maybe we would have had at least one or two dates. He was good on the eyes and he was also someone who could make you laugh. Regardless, life is too short to focus on the past. It was just a funny, bubbly memory that made me realize that “dang! I must be at least somewhat attractive if a guy like this wants to ask me out…” and confidence is what I need most right now in what might be one of the most stressful periods of my life where it seems like my health is under attack every week.
Like I said, I don’t know why I don’t feel better but I choose to trust God. But I feel like I’ve grown so much from all the ordeals I’ve gone through. And even with Tom, I guess things didn’t work out for a reason. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. I know that in order to follow Christ, I have to take the good and the bad. The good is all those times that God has come through for me in explicable ways and all the times He will come through for me in the future and just having the blessing of knowing Him. The bad? These health issues and missing out on smaller pleasures like dates at a bar. For now, anyway.