I went to church today. It was my third visit and I feel like people here are quite welcoming. I’ve gotten coffee with two girls from church and I enjoyed getting to know them. I haven’t been regularly attending church for years so it’s going to be hard to know how to be part of a community again but I’m looking forward to whatever it is that God wants to do.

The pastor last week talked about fear and how in the midst of fear, we should set our eyes, mind and desire upon God. And it fit this week perfectly, because this past week was one filled with fear and anxiety and pain. It was a conscious effort to look to God every day.

I think my future plans for church is just to keep attending and maybe attend their small groups after I get BEC done. Everyone has been really warm and welcoming and it’s a relief from all the other more cliquey churches I’ve been through.

As for the pain, it’s eased up. The first oral surgeon I saw I think was jumping the gun when he advised me for to get it extracted. Actually, now that I think about it, I was the one who asked him for a quote on the dental implant. I think he said I should wait as well. My relative referred me to another dentist yesterday who’s had 30 years of experience and he asked me to wait and said it was most likely my grinding.

My biggest fear is that I’ll be driving to work and a toothache will come on. Nothing like a random toothache during a 40-minute commute, eh?

But I choose to trust in God. Not just that even if a toothache occurs, that He’ll help me handle it but also that even if I feel like things at work aren’t going great, He will be there to help me like He always has. And in the past, He has come through for me many times before.

Even if I did have to get this tooth extracted, I would thank God for just giving me the resources I need to get it taken care of. Nothing like going to your first day of work with a missing molar… but still. God has provided for me in countless ways.

My first semester being involved on campus as a board member, I wanted the position of Marketing Director and Mentoring Chair. Those were my first two choices. I think membership chair was my third choice (if I’m not mistaken). I ended up getting membership chair but the semester after that, I got three positions, two of which were Marketing Director and Mentoring Chair. No matter what anyone says, I believe firmly that it was something God orchestrated. And it’s not because I was witty and got along with everyone, I wasn’t even there that much during my first semester. I feel like God just orchestrated things to give me a chance.

Public accounting is a crazy world and I’ve heard stories from people and experiences from my friends and relatives. My internship was great but there were moments of disillusion. For example, once the senior had to give a presentation to the audit partner in front of us in this cramped audit room. He asked her really hard questions and the room was really tense. I laugh when I’m nervous, so that’s a recipe for disaster. I tried not to laugh because it was so awkward and weird. I really hope I didn’t offend her cause she was one of the coolest seniors I met but that moment was really disillusioning.

At the same time, the HR person I talked with at the end of my internship said the lead partner was ‘a big fan of mine’ and had great things to say about me. Also, he tried to get lunch with everyone on the audit team at least once – even the associates. But I just wonder if they were trying to get me to accept my offer.

When I chose accounting, I did so because my spiritual mentor was in accounting and I also enjoyed my class in accounting. It’s a stable field and I have a roadmap that I already want to follow. But sometimes the stories do scare me.

Regardless, these past six months have taught me a lot about trusting God in the midst of fear and in times of pressure.

Even though these past six months were full of trials and there were weeks that I felt like I was at the end of my rope, God helped me to learn in the midst of affliction.

The biggest lesson? That He is always watching and that it’s not always about me.

On a side note, I won’t be blogging much about work on here for confidentiality reasons but this blog is about honoring God and sharing about everything He’s doing in my life.

 

As for starting work full-time, they asked for a celebrity lookalike and I googled “asian girl red blouse” and also used a celebrity lookalike generator. The generator said I most resembled Kim Tae Yeon but I was like… no… hahah. In the end, I chose Jennifer Ushkowitz and I’m kind of predicting this super awkward moment where they’ll show my picture and her picture side-by-side somewhere. I think I’m not bad-looking on my own right, but there’s always the risk of looking a bit mousey when your picture is put next to a glammed up celebrity …

 

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