I saw another specialist today. The visit with the X-ray cost me $445 in total but I did it for peace of mind. I’ve been dealing with phantom tooth pain that had me going to three dentists in one day. My endodontist thought I might have had a cyst but it turns out that I might have a microfracture instead which explains why all the other dentists haven’t been able to catch it.
The specialist today was really nice but he is expensive as heck. I don’t want to play the waiting game and wait for my insurance to come in so the plan now is to go implant-shopping (because I have to get it removed, since I had the tooth treated twice). If it comes down to it, I might just have to eat the cost. I guess it helps that I graduated with zero student debt haha and that I’ll be getting my paycheck in September.
I was really angry with God after walking out of that office because I didn’t understand. I brush my teeth and floss meticulously three times a day. I get checkups every half-year and 99% of the time have stayed away from any hard foods. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had saltine crackers? Do you know how many bananas I’ve eaten instead of Frito chips?
in all seriousness, I cried about it for a little bit and then, with my mom’s help, I realized that God never promised me I wouldn’t have tooth problems in this life. He only promised me that
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
I realized that yes, I’m upset about the pain and upset about the cost. I took audit with a toothache and I don’t just have $6,000 lying around my house. But God has blessed me with so much. For one thing, He’s given me the resources that I need to be able to afford this implant.
As a freelance writer, my business has been thriving and I’ve been making more this month than I ever have. I made enough this month to cover the expensive consultation. People pay me for my writing and that in itself is already a huge blessing.
It sucks to have to get expensive dental work and no, I don’t feel like I ‘deserve’ this pain… but God let it happen for a reason and I need to trust Him even when times are bad.
This is a huge and critical lesson for me to learn in trusting God because I’ve come to realize that trusting in God and walking with Him means doing so even when you’re in pain.
These past six months have been full of trials for me health-wise. I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life. But I feel like I’ve grown more than ever as a person.
The biggest step is in the realization that God won’t always give me prosperity but He’ll give me the strength and the resources I need to get through each and every trial. I don’t know what’s waiting for me in the future but I’m ready to just learn. Even if it hurts.
So Lord, I’m ready to trust You. I do trust You. And I hope this will all pay off someday. All I can do is wait and trust and depend on you. Amen.